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I was scanning documents today, now that google docs allows uploading I feel I have no excuse to turn everything digital.

I was scanning and encrypting tax returns, and the numbers really struck me for some reason. Some older returns, ones that included such places as The Black Eyed Pea and Working For My Dad, and the pitiful numbers that were the final score for the year. I was looking at later ones and how the numbers had gone up, and thinking about being handed the sum total of the years 2004-2010 and attempting to live off the total for six years.

While I probably would save a bit, not paying any late fees or finance charges, I realized that the tax forms, notices, final counts and various mailings from various companies really do add up to my entire life’s work.

Everything I’ve ever done, reduced to a payable (or in my case, refundable) amount to the IRS. I could, while looking through the many offer letters, 1040s and W2s, letters of recommendation, medical expense logs and car insurance claims, recount every major event in my life. Every marriage, divorce, childbirth, car wreck, new job, layoff, and paycheck can be accounted for. And zero-sum’d.

Everything I’ve ever done in my life, relates to a final number. A score. Eventually, the number at the end accounts for the number on your social security card- and it’s made me realize one thing.

There are too damn many people. The fact that the number takes into account my friendships- every airtime minute and round of beer, every gallon of gasoline or sympathy pie baked. The fact that the number takes into account my love life- marriages, divorces, dates, emails (internet access, electricity?) and ice-cream trips at 2 AM. The fact that the number is compared in the census, to my family’s, to my friends, to people in my zip code, and to people in my same field of work. All these collections and data-driven assumptions about who I am, reducing me to a number and the fact that the number is correct- terrifying.

My name is Liz Howard- I score in the 90th percentile for people with my level of experience, education, vocation, gender, skillset, family history, location and lifestyle.

AEH …………………… 90%

I wonder if I can beat my score.